Downstairs

Here's a limerick I wrote in May 2012.  I don't believe I've posted it yet....

To get downstairs I must pick

The ladder or stairs, one's more quick!

To avoid getting fatter

I'd best use the latter

I hope that the steps aren't too slick!

The idea to play with the words "ladder" and "latter" has been kicking around in my head for a long time.  I feel like this poem would be more successful with an illustration of someone at the top of some spiral steps, with a ladder going down the middle.

Someday I'd love to do an issue of Phase 7 with poems on the right-facing pages and illustrations on the left facing pages - like old humor books from the 50s.  That's why I write so many horrible limericks on this blog, to keep trying to get to a few good ones that can make the cut!

Ogden Nash

I felt like writing a limerick this morning, so I did!  The subject is my favorite poet, who I tried my best to pay homage to in these five lines:

There once was a poet named Nash
Who traded in light verse for cash
A few in the Post
The New Yorker, most
For humor he had not a mash

Ha ha!  See what I did there?  I'm sure Mr. Nash is rolling over in his grave... oh well, it was fun!  I'm digging through my poetry notebook, I'll try to find some other stuff that I have yet to post.

Elliott Smith

Happy Halloween!  Here's another Limerick that I finished off the other night when I couldn't sleep.  It was originally started on 4/10/08 and is about Elliott Smith's self-titled album, which is my favorite album to listen to at the end of the day, when everything is winding down.

My life feels just about right
When drawing my comics at night
I hum along
To a sad little song,
Get sleepy, and turn off the light.

Breaking up is hard to do!

The other night I was going through my poetry notebook, trying to complete old, half-finished poems.  I came across the first few lines of the limerick below, which I started on 3/28/08 and I finished them off thusly:

It's simple when things end in hate
One month off and you're ready to date!
But when both get along
And the timing's just wrong,
The feelings take years to abate.

It was only then that I turned the page in my notebook, and saw that I had continued working on the poem which I posted in this blog back in 2008.  I think my new version gets much closer to accomplishing Gabe's original suggestion, to incorporate the entire second limerick into the last line of the first.  A happy accident.  Here's to second drafts!

A Limerick for The Center for Cartoon Studies

Here's a limerick about CCS that I started on 1/16/09 and then finally finished off the other night when I couldn't sleep.

There sits a fine school in Vermont
From New York it's a five-hour jaunt
If you have a yearning
For cartoonist-learning
Then this is the center you'll want!

A Limerick for Carl Barks

There once was an artist named Barks
Who mastered the making of marks
His comics had ducks
With trillions of bucks
And his stories were more than just larks!

Limerick for a Mail Thief

As some of you saw, I had some mail stolen last week, which was pretty upsetting for me.  I hate how it is making me mistrust other members of my community.  Anyway, it has been weighing heavily on my mind, so I'm afraid that it will be the topic of my poetry for this week (also, sorry I didn't post last weekend!  I was in Montréal, hence the stolen package).  Anyway, here is my angry Limerick for a Mail Thief

There once was a thief who stole mail.
But instead of him going to jail,
When he was caught
Some postage we bought
And mailed all his fingers to Vail.

NEXT WEEK: Hopeufully something less gruesome and more positive!

First of the Month

The worst bill of all is the rent
To pay it, much money is spent
If you don't have enough
Then your luck is just tough
You'll have to go sleep in a tent!

June 1st?!

There once was a month called June
This year it came way too soon!
Oh Nine was just starting
Now it's quickly departing
Time flies when one works like a loon

A Limerick for Ginevra

There once was a sofa named Ginny
Whose width was a little bit skinny
Two people could sit
But three wouldn't fit
Unless the three people were mini!

Doing the Dishes

I've been writing some new Limericks, and I'm trying to stay a little closer to the form of Lear's Book of Nonesense to work on my meter. Here's my first attempt!

There once was a sink full of dishes
The supper that caused them? Delicious!
My desire for scouring
Was not overpowering
But cookware cares not of my wishes!

Frozen Friday

The weather here keeps getting colder
The temperature's younger not older
It was nine above oh
Now it's twenty below
I'd go outside if I were bolder

Hiatus

My fever for Limericks has cooled.
If you think I'm done, you've been fooled!
I'm still writing them down,
But in school work I drown.
This summer my rhymes will be pooled.

I want a pet wolf!

In has recently been brought to my attention that my limericks are wildly inaccurate and poorly crafted... OH WELL! I'm still having fun, so I'm going to keep at it, and perhaps I'll improve along the way. Sorry if these are making you Limerick-purists unhappy...

I think I'd feel more like a man
If I'd a wolf, like Natty Gann
"Nice dog" people would say.
I'd reply, "Back away!
It's a WOLF" and they would turn wan.

Vitamin C is in the house!

Today I felt a nostalgic pang
While in the market I thought "Oh dang!"
When I saw the orange cup
I said, "Old friend! What's up?"
For the first time in years I bought TANG!!!

(Also, sorry I haven't been posting much lately. I've got like 8 half finished limericks... so I'm hoping to finish some of those off soon...)

Julia Wertz

There lives a cartoonist named Julia.
She looks twelve, but don't let that fool ya...
She drinks like a fish,
Bakes cupcakes (delish!)
Knows more swears than sailors could school ya.

My Most Specific Limerick Yet

Our dish rack is just the right size.
The moment I'm rolling my eyes
From boredom of chore,
It can hold no more!
A reprieve while the first load dries.

Emo Overdose!

I was feeling pretty bummed out, and I have been writing limericks, so I decided to write a limerick about being bummed out. It was only when I was done that I realized I was writing POETRY about being SAD which is pretty hilarious if you "zoom out." Anyways, I can see why this has been a popular activity for depressed people through the ages. There is something nice about taking a confusing situation that doesn't make a lot of sense and imposing some sort of order on it, fitting it into rhymes and the like. ANYWAYS, here it is - a two-parter!

It's so simple when things end in hate.
One month off and you're ready to date.
You're not sad that s/he's gone,
It feels good to move on!
One step closer to finding your mate.

Much worse when things end up confusing.
Hearts get not a breaking, but bruising.
For when both get along
but the timing's just wrong,
All paths of fate feel like you're losing.

(As Gabe points out, If I could fit the WHOLE SECOND LIMERICK into the last line of the first Limerick, it might actually be kind of good - oh well!)

Sick

All night long I was coughing up phlegm,
Tossing, turning, my sleep had no REM.
Lots of Vitamin C,
And some hot soup for me,
Cut this sickness off right at the stem!

Running

I thought, "I'll go out for a run."
"It will feel good, that springtime sun."
Alas, it was freezing
And soon I was wheezing.
I'm too out of shape for this fun!