I want a pet wolf!

In has recently been brought to my attention that my limericks are wildly inaccurate and poorly crafted... OH WELL! I'm still having fun, so I'm going to keep at it, and perhaps I'll improve along the way. Sorry if these are making you Limerick-purists unhappy...

I think I'd feel more like a man
If I'd a wolf, like Natty Gann
"Nice dog" people would say.
I'd reply, "Back away!
It's a WOLF" and they would turn wan.

Vitamin C is in the house!

Today I felt a nostalgic pang
While in the market I thought "Oh dang!"
When I saw the orange cup
I said, "Old friend! What's up?"
For the first time in years I bought TANG!!!

(Also, sorry I haven't been posting much lately. I've got like 8 half finished limericks... so I'm hoping to finish some of those off soon...)

Julia Wertz

There lives a cartoonist named Julia.
She looks twelve, but don't let that fool ya...
She drinks like a fish,
Bakes cupcakes (delish!)
Knows more swears than sailors could school ya.

My Most Specific Limerick Yet

Our dish rack is just the right size.
The moment I'm rolling my eyes
From boredom of chore,
It can hold no more!
A reprieve while the first load dries.

Emo Overdose!

I was feeling pretty bummed out, and I have been writing limericks, so I decided to write a limerick about being bummed out. It was only when I was done that I realized I was writing POETRY about being SAD which is pretty hilarious if you "zoom out." Anyways, I can see why this has been a popular activity for depressed people through the ages. There is something nice about taking a confusing situation that doesn't make a lot of sense and imposing some sort of order on it, fitting it into rhymes and the like. ANYWAYS, here it is - a two-parter!

It's so simple when things end in hate.
One month off and you're ready to date.
You're not sad that s/he's gone,
It feels good to move on!
One step closer to finding your mate.

Much worse when things end up confusing.
Hearts get not a breaking, but bruising.
For when both get along
but the timing's just wrong,
All paths of fate feel like you're losing.

(As Gabe points out, If I could fit the WHOLE SECOND LIMERICK into the last line of the first Limerick, it might actually be kind of good - oh well!)

Sick

All night long I was coughing up phlegm,
Tossing, turning, my sleep had no REM.
Lots of Vitamin C,
And some hot soup for me,
Cut this sickness off right at the stem!

Running

I thought, "I'll go out for a run."
"It will feel good, that springtime sun."
Alas, it was freezing
And soon I was wheezing.
I'm too out of shape for this fun!

My first 3-part Limerick

There's probably a poetry term for a "three-part poem" right? Anyways, this series of limericks is a response to my friend Bob, who thinks I am dishonoring the limerick form with the cleanliness of my poetry.

"Your limericks need be more dirty!"
Bob said, "Yours are much too purdy.
You should follow the form!
Sex and swears are the norm.
It's lewdness you need, not nerdy!"

But a nerd I am! (sad but true)
And clean limericks are nothing new
Look up "Nonsense" by Lear
Not one curse will you hear.
He wrote them for kids, I might too!

Not a genre where all are the same,
A whole medium, more like a game!
Take any old theme,
With words, rhyme and scheme
A new limerick's fun even when tame!

Leaving New York

Four years in the city's enough.
The stress of this place makes me gruff.
To the mountains I'll go,
And let my beard grow.
Some fresh air will cheer me, sure 'nuff!